She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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