I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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