don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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