You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
