i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
