Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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