so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
