He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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