Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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