I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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