Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
