Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
