Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
