I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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