it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
where are my eyebrows?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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