so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
