A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
