of course. lets lasso hookers.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
