Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
