If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I know her cup size but not her name....
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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