Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
