when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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