that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
