i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
