im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He did a backflip because drugs
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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