you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
