last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
