i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
