i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
