i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
