She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
