The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
