Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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