:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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