If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
