guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
