I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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