Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
