Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize