Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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