what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
