she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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