you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Randomize
