3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
