i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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