eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
