Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
