YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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