the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
