there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
