Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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