I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
