Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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