i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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